Only Children

Are Only Children Deprived?

Many parents of only children say they feel pressured by friends and family to have a second child. There is a widespread belief that only children are deprived of social interaction. Some people claim they are selfish, spoiled, and manipulative. However, birth order research suggests that most only children have personalities that are similar to the firstborn son or daughter in a larger family. For example, both firstborns and only children are often very intelligent, ambitious, and articulate.

If you’re concerned about the development of your only child, remember that parenting styles have a substantial impact on a child’s well-being. Here are some tips:

• Create opportunities for social interaction by encouraging your child to participate in playgroups, religious organizations, athletic events, and other organized recreational activities.
• Resist the urge to push your child to act like a miniature adult. Talk to other parents to learn more about expectations for age-appropriate behaviors.
• Make an effort to teach your child about sharing, teamwork, and having empathy for others. Read books about friendship with your toddler and praise your older child for demonstrating these positive behaviors.

Are Larger Families Happier?

Most adults believe people become parents because children fill our lives with joy. According to this theory, people with larger families should be exponentially happier than those who only have one child. However, recent research suggests this is not always the case.

According to University of Pennsylvania sociology professor Hans-Peter Kohler, women with one child are about 20% happier than those who have never had children. However, his study also found that second and third children slightly decrease their mother’s overall level of happiness. His theory is that the added financial pressures, child care duties, and scheduling dilemmas can overwhelm mothers with larger families. For example, many working mothers find it difficult to balance full or part time employment with the care of multiple children.

Am I Ready for a Second Child?

According to the Alan Guttmacher Institute, most American women wait approximately 30 months to add a second child to the family. This family planning strategy allows siblings to be close enough in age to play together, yet far enough apart to allow their tired parents to get some much-needed rest. Researchers at the University of California in San Francisco believe a mother needs 24-35 months between births to replenish the nutrients lost during pregnancy and recover from the physical stress of childbirth.

Scientific research aside, there’s really no surefire way to tell if you’re ready to add to your family. It’s a decision that only you can make. However, discussing the following questions with your partner may put the situation into perspective:

• Are we concerned about declining fertility? (Research shows a woman’s chances of conceiving start to decline after age 26.)
• What are some of the ways a new baby will change our lifestyle?
• Do we want our firstborn to have a built-in playmate or would we prefer to have more time to enjoy his/her childhood?
• Can our finances handle the addition of another child?
• Do we agree that a second child will benefit our family?