Marriage and Family

Embrace Change

Even if you’re pining for moonlit walks and candlelight dinners, it’s time to accept that your relationship has changed. When you have children, you can’t spend the entire afternoon in bed together or check into a hotel at a moment’s notice. However, that doesn’t mean your relationship has lost its spark. It’s simply evolved.

Instead of lengthy love letters, you may need to settle for a spicy e-mail. Instead of going out for a movie, you may need to watch a video after the baby’s asleep. Instead of a full-body massage, you may only have time for a quick foot rub. These changes aren’t positive or negative; they’re simply different.

To make the most of your changing relationship, keep the lines of communication open. Ask your husband about his day at work or his Saturday golf game. Tell him about your pottery class or the interesting article you read in yesterday’s newspaper. It’s fine to talk about the kids on occasion, but it’s important to have outside interests as well.

Make Romance a Priority

When you’re exhausted and cranky, it’s easy to find the television more appealing than an intimate evening alone with your spouse. However, balancing marriage and family requires making romance a priority.

By definition, a marriage includes regular physical contact. But, physical contact doesn’t necessarily mean sexual intercourse. Kissing and cuddling can do wonders for your relationship. If you’re not quite ready for lovemaking, take a nap together while the baby naps. Fifteen minutes of sleep may leave you in the mood for some action!

Stop Feeling Guilty

Many women say they feel an intense pressure to be the “perfect” mother. They worry that they won’t measure up if they don’t spend every waking minute playing with the baby, cooking gourmet meals, and keeping the house spotlessly clean. However, this is simply unrealistic. To balance marriage and family, you must learn to stop feeling guilty.

It’s OK to admit that you’re not Superwoman. Your children won’t be doomed to academic failure if you let them watch cartoons instead of teaching them the Spanish alphabet. Your husband won’t become malnourished from an occasional fast-food dinner. Your friends won’t stop speaking to you if they see dust bunnies under the couch.

Share Responsibility

Nothing kills romance faster than feeling like you’re the only one changing diapers or waking up for midnight feedings. If you believe you’re doing more than your fair share of parenting, your resentment will eventually start to weaken your bond with your spouse.

While many women are convinced their husbands are selfish and inconsiderate for not helping out around the house, most men simply don’t realize all that their wives are doing. Try keeping track of your responsibilities for one week and ask your spouse to do the same. After comparing lists, discuss ways to distribute the workload more fairly.