Having Another Child

A Family Unfinished

The most important factor to consider when deciding upon your family size is whether or not you feel complete. Feeling like something is missing or unfinished when it comes to your kids is often a signal of a deeper desire to continue adding to the family.

Feelings of guilt may arise when you consider your family unfinished. You might feel that you are being unfair to current children by wanting to add another child, or you might wonder how you could ever love another one as much as your current child(ren). Both of these feelings are normal and should not deter you from having the size of family you desire.

Other dynamics, like your physical readiness, financial situation, and lifestyle, also come into play when you consider adding another child to your family.

Physical Readiness

Pregnancy and childbirth can take a toll on a woman’s body. Complications from pregnancy, like high blood pressure or gestational diabetes, might require extra post partum care. Vaginal deliveries can end in tearing or episiotomies. Cesarean sections involve major abdominal surgery that requires additional time for healing. Even routine pregnancies and births will have a nutritional and physical toll on the mother’s body.

Have a preconception check up after your last baby, even if it is the third time around for you. Being physically ready for pregnancy and childbirth is important for not only the health of the mother, but for the best outcome for the baby, too. The Journal of the American Medical Association and USAID both recommended intervals of approximately two to five years for reducing health risks for babies and their mothers.

Financial Readiness

While having a baby is a blessing, it can take a toll on the family’s finances. Diapers, formula, and doctoring bills can add up quickly. And even once the child is potty-trained and eating solids, your general clothing, food, and schooling expenses will continue to rise. If you want to become a stay-at-home mom for a period of time, you will lose part of your household income, too.

Couples who are considering another child should discuss their current finances. If you are all ready living paycheck to paycheck or have excessive debt, you may want to concentrate on your financial situation before revisiting the discussion about another child.

Set up a budget for debt payment or for adding another child (like putting aside diaper and formula money or living on one paycheck and banking the other) and see if you can pull it off for six months.

Financial difficulties and a new baby are separate stressors on couples. Dealing with both at the same time can be detrimental to the marriage and other children. Preparing for the cost can make the transition easier.

Lifestyle Readiness

You may think to yourself, “I all ready have one or two children; one more won’t make that much of a difference.” However, having another baby will shift your family dynamics and create a new birth order. Your only son will now have a sibling; the baby of the family might now become the middle child. Consider how another child will affect your current family situation.

Additionally, you will want to consider other lifestyle choices you enjoy that you may end up giving up. The two bedroom condo in the city might become too small for your growing brood. You may not be able to afford private schooling anymore or your may need be able to upgrade your car. The small freedoms you enjoy now that your youngest children are in school will be gone for the next few years if you add another baby to the family.

Though most people and families will adapt to changes quickly, you have to consider them in the big picture. For example, If you are moving, getting a new job, are not feeling the best or have additional personal stress, you may want to think about putting another baby on hold until your life is more settled.

Bad Reasons for Having Another Child

It is not uncommon to feel apprehensive about having another child, even after the decision to start trying has been made. You may be nervous, but know in your heart it is right.

Sometimes, however, you may be making the decision for the wrong reasons. Unfortunately, you may not realize it at the time. Taking a few moments to honestly answer these questions:

• Am I having a second baby just because I feel guilty about having an “only?” Despite the negative stereotypes of lonely, sad only children or bratty, spoiled monsters, many only children are happy and well-adjusted.
• Did I give in to my spouse or partner just because s/he wanted another child, even though I do not? Agreeing to have a child you do not truly desire requires you to be dishonest with yourself and your partner. It can lead to feelings of resentment towards the baby or your spouse and can cause marital conflicts.
• Was my choice influenced by grandparents or close friends/family? It may seem like all your friends are having their second or third babies right now, but just because they “jumped off the cliff” does not mean it is the right choice for you.
• Do I feel pressured into a choice by my biological clock? Although it does become difficult to conceive as you get older, you should not feel pressured to have another child before it is “too late.” Plenty of options are available for adding to your family later in life, if you should change your mind, including fertility treatments and adoption.

Baby Fever Bites

Even if you think you do not want any more children, baby fever is bound to bite you a few times. Keep a temporary infatuation with those chubby cheeks in check by spending time with friends who have young babies or by offering to babysit for neighbors. Take a nostalgic look back at your children’s baby books to help you get perspective.

If the feeling lingers for several months and grows stronger, you may end up changing your mind about having another child. On the other hand, if you are absolutely positive your child-rearing days are over, you may want to consider permanent sterilization so that you do not end up having an unplanned pregnancy.